Piña Pacific


I’m an adventurer. I find relics, trinkets and rare items that were believed to be myths and tall tales. I was on my way back to Denver from a recent visit to Reno, Nevada, where I investigated a Sasquatch sighting.  Needless to say, I found one and she now has her own nature documentary.

I decided to stop off in a small town I pass each time I drive west on I-70; a town called No Name. That’s when I saw her; a small, nimble, old woman with her walker. She came right up to me staring into my eyes through her thick pop bottled lenses. “Have you seen my husband? He’s about 6 feet tall, heavy set, has a thick gray beard, wavy gray hair, great talker, and smells of whiskey.”

Grinning, I asked her, “Do you lose him often?” “No, I do not lose him often! He just gets wasted and wonders around the town. “I am sorry ma’am, I have not seen your husband. I am just passing through. “

She continued, “I recently sent a young man to find a “myth” off the coast of Hawaii. Calls himself the “Wanderer” for some reason. Anyways, this young guy left two weeks ago and was supposed to be back this week to share his successful find with me. Needless to say, like my husband, he has gone missing and hasn’t reported back. I need you to go find him.”

“The date was 1817 when this iceberg was first sighted and reported. It is a mysterious Iceberg that encases some special fruits that are said to be the greatest flavors around those parts. It only appears off the north east coast once every 50 years, Bring me a taste of the Iceberg’s treats, and don’t forget to bring back the wanderer! He’s probably starving out there.” She said to me as she began her walk away to ask another person whether or not they had seen her better half.

She hadn’t given me much to go on, but no one ever really does, that is why I love doing what I do. I walked into a bar and ordered a drink. I overheard an old man speaking with a duo about “El Dorado”. I recalled how I had failed on my last attempt to discover that city years ago. I paid my tab, slammed my drink and left them a note telling them to follow my marks to the City Of El Dorado.

I awoke the next day, booked a flight to California and lined up everything for this trip. Arriving in San Francisco,
I went down to the dock to locate a ship heading to Hawaii. I found a worthy ship and captain.

Once we set off on our course, the captain began telling me about himself and his history. His story lasted for 10 days when it was abruptly interrupted by the sound of booming thunder and roaring winds. “We’re here. The Iceberg is a few miles away. We should sail around it and look at the local islands for your friend before we go into the storm. If he’s alive, we will find him. If he’s not, the sharks already have.”

Several hours passed before I saw an island with a symbol embedded in the sand next to an “S.O.S” attempt. I dove off the boat and swam to the island. After about an hour I found the wanderer sitting in a homemade hammock slurping the water out of the coconuts.

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The Wanderer saw me and hollered “A-hoy! Welcome to the Wandering Island! I am the acting president and they call me the Wanderer. What brings you here?” His face filled with the relief of being rescued. “I’m here to get you off this island, then bring back a portion of The Iceberg” I replied.

We returned to our ship and took our positions headed into the storm. The wind beat us left and right while the rain reminded us that we were no longer in control. We finally spotted the giant block of ice floating in the dense fog. It’s looming presence sent chills down our spines. None of us would have expected to see a real Iceberg in The Northern Pacific.

I jumped off the bow of the boat and caught my grip with an ice pick. I began hacking away and throwing chunks of The Iceberg onto the ship. As the pieces piled up, I heard the echo of both my crewmates. “You won’t believe what is in this Iceberg! It’s incredible!,” they both exclaimed.

I slid off The Iceberg and landed on the ship only to be greeted by piles of frozen pineapples and coconuts. While looking through the blocks, an odd whistling began to sound around us. We looked at each other, then back at The Iceberg to see that it disappear into the open ocean, leaving us with 2000 pounds of frozen coconuts and pineapples. We headed home.

Once we docked, the Wanderer and I parted ways, making sure we exchanged contact information for future  adventures. I made my way back to No Name and found the old woman with her walker.  She was thrilled with my news that the Wanderer was alive and well but she was even more excited about the coconuts and        pineapples I acquired for her from The Iceberg. She kept a small portion and the remainder went with me back to Denver.


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Written by: Eamonn Colgan-The Explorer

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